Prop8, DOMA and Grandpa.

With all of the hoopla over the DOMA and Prop8 decisions, I’d just like to share with you an old note I wrote on Facebook.

The reason I was prompted to share this was a short vid on YouTube that was showing people coming out to their family members.

In 2001, I told my dad that I was a gay person. I didn’t do it at the best time and I didn’t do it the right way, I was really obnoxious and in the end, I really should have apologized to him for it. I was angry and wanted to put a serious mark on his armour and from what I heard.. I was successful.

The whole thing put me in a strange position. I pretty much ignored my dad’s family for years after the fact .I figured that they were all like him. I was wrong.

What prompted me to contact him was an incident that happened in Kamloops. Two friends of mine, both men, were attacked at a bar in Kamloops because they were dancing and shared a kiss on the dance floor.

A man named Brock Froese decided to be violent and was subsequently charged and convicted for his violent behaviour. I was angry. I was scared. I was trying to find a way to feel more free.

Here’s a cut and paste version of what I wrote on April 3, 2008. I REALLY wanted to do some edits.

***

I called my Grandpa yesterday.

As the phone rang I kept saying a silent prayer.. “please don’t pick up grandma.. please don’t pick up grandma!”

My aunt picked up the phone and I greeted her.

I asked her if I could talk to grandpa, and when he said hello and called me pal.. right then and there I started getting misty. I then asked him if I could go and visit him for a few minutes that afternoon and he agreed.

I drove out there to my grandparents house and I cautiously walked up the stairs and my aunt Dianne greeted me at the door. As I walked up the stairs to shake my grandpas hand he pushed my hand away and gave me a hug. It was such an amazing moment!!

We sat at the kitchen table where I sat countless numbers of times and we talked about stuff. I told him that I was so very sorry I didn’t go to visit him when he was sick as I just didn’t have the gusto to deal with anyone else from the family and he said it was ok but he was glad I made the trip that day to see him. Then I told him why I hadn’t made the effort to see him in so many years. I told him that when I informed my dad *his son* that I was gay he wasn’t very happy at all about it and didn’t want me around anymore.

When I told my grandpa that it was really hard to say the words that I was gay to him.. I still felt ashamed and that I was letting him down after all the times he spent with me doing grandfatherly things. I mean this man took me fishing for christ’s sake! He grabbed my hand.. and started to cry and told me that he loved me no matter what and we can’t choose things like that. Oh it was the most amazing amazing amazing experience I have ever had in my life.

We talked a bit more about this and that.. and I told him that he was one of my favorite people in the world and I was so glad that he had been such a positive influence on me when I was a kid. I thanked him for stepping in when my dad took the back exit.

It was so amazing.. afterwards I called my mom from the car and cried my eyes out.. I had to pull the car over.. I felt so relieved, it was as if I came out all over again..

Last night was my show and I kind of felt bad for the audience.. because I wrote the show from an angry state of mind. .. but I was in such a good mood because I had the time with my grandpa earlier that day.

I am not sure how happy I am with last nights performance.. but whatever…

I got to make amends with one of my favorite people in life.

Nothing can touch me.

***

After it all, I started to reconnect with my family.

I have constant contact with my grandma these days and I absolutely love receiving email from her.

Nothing can touch me.

equality means we’re all equal.

Thanks for reading.Image